Festival Olympics

Following the opening of Tokyo 2020 (only a year late), we’ve compiled a list of everyday festival occurrences that we feel are just as demanding as Olympic events. So if you’re feeling rough and nursing a hangover after Latitude festival? Nonsense, you’re basically an Olympic athlete. 

400m sprint 

That mad dash you do from one stage to another when someone has unhelpfully scheduled both of your favourite acts to overlap. The current world record is 43.3 seconds, held by Wayde van Niekerk, who was desperately trying to catch both Tame Impala and The 1975 at the 2016 Glastonbury festival.
(…just kidding, it was the Rio Olympics). 

Swimming

The exact same journey between stages – but after the rain has hit. Regular Olympians don’t even have the additional hurdles of tent pegs and the odd welly boot, so who’s really putting in the most effort here?

Wrestling

Who would you rather take on: one Olympic medalist, or an entire festival crowd? Always take a second to appreciate your achievements when you manage to wrestle your way through a particularly tight crowd. That takes a lot of determination, willpower, and every muscle in your body – you’re a born wrestler!

Weightlifting

This is really just getting all your stuff to the festival in the first place. You’ve just arrived – now begins the trek to the campsite. You’ve got a four-man tent, plus all of the stuff you’ve packed for the next few days, not to mention the extra things that your friend just couldn’t possibly fit in her own bag. You grab some drinks on the way, precariously balancing bags on your forearms so you can take a sip. Each time you raise that cup to your mouth is equivalent to some record-breaking weightlifting efforts (okay, it’s not, but it feels like it). 

(Crowd)Surfing and (Stage)Diving

Who needs water or a surfboard when you’ve got a crowd of people willing to carry a stranger over their heads? 

Basketball 

This is a fun one, best done with friends, and arguably one of the most important parts of a festival – responsibly slam-dunking your rubbish in the bin instead of ditching it all on the field. You don’t win medals for being lazy and inconsiderate. 

Artistic Gymnastics

Don’t underestimate yourself – you know full well that those dance moves are nothing short of gold medal Artistic Gymnastics! Grab yourself a hula hoop or a pair of batons and you’ve covered Rhythmic Gymnastics too. 

Hurdles 

Trying to find your way to a toilet in the middle of the night, while leaping over tent strings, rubbish, and the occasional person who didn’t quite make it back to their tent before falling asleep (10 points to Gryffindor for outstanding moral fibre if you stop the race to help them out).

and finally:

Football

Nothing clever here, just actual football. Maybe with an empty beer can or some balled up socks.

© Beyond The Woods Festival 2021